To all the women reading this, I’m glad you clicked, sis. Whether you are in a relationship, single like a Pringle, engaged, married, etc… I want to tell you a little about what it was like for me in the dating world. I know I don’t have everything figured out and I’m not perfect, but I know what it’s like to NOT be loved like Jesus.
If you told me 5 years ago (when I wasn’t in the Lord) that I’d be married to my best friend within the next 5 years, I’d laugh at you and tell you you’re silly. What best friend? Marriage? Yeah, sike! Pfft! I always told myself I wouldn’t get married until I was 30 (Ha, that was a lie!), or until I felt like I had truly “lived my life to the fullest”… whatever that meant! I simply wasn’t ready to “settle down”, I wanted to do so much and I thought that getting married and having kids would hold me down from that.
My mindset changed whenever I gave my life to the Lord. I desired marriage but overall I desired to be loved correctly. The Lord showed me that very early on into my walk with Him. With Jacob you would never find me lashing out or being disrespectful, the Holy Spirit would just NOT LET ME.
And it wasn’t even that Jacob was doing something wrong, but the Lord was teaching me. The small things that used to upset me, still upset me, but the Lord kept pressing into me, “that’s not love, Joscelin..”
So I just sat there and bit my tongue as much as I could. The desire to lash out and be petty slowly but surely wasn’t there anymore. People would start to ask us, “do y’all even argue?” Jacob and I would just look at each other and think… “no..?” We never gave each other a reason to argue or be upset. Jacob has always been the best at loving me. Even when I did have my moments (because I’m not perfect and it did happen), he loved me hard. He always spoke life.
Going back a little… I was never always like this. With my past boyfriend(s) I was the complete opposite. Praise Jesus I’m not that girl anymore! I feel it in my heart to go into detail about how I used to be before the Lord did a miracle in me (LOL!)
Even one boyfriend that I had that I could look back and say that actually “loved” me, I know now that I made him crazy. I gave him a reason to not trust me enough to tell me the truth. So much that he started lying to me. I remember one time I was home, getting ready for bed and he was just getting off of work. A few days before I had gone into his phone and turned on his location without his knowledge (Crazy, huh?). Now, from what I am about to tell you, you might say that it was his fault and I was in the right to do so. But no.. I wasn’t in the “right” because it wasn’t love.
Anyways… He told me he was on his way home and that he’d text me when he arrived. For some odd reason, I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t believe him. So immediately I remembered that I had turned his location on. When I looked at it, it said that he was at a club and my heart immediately dropped. Homeboy was at a CLUB y’all. You already know my crazy mode switch came on real quick. He then proceeded to tell me “I just got home!” I was like “oh dang, for real?”
I didn’t say anything until the next day for other reasons…. I know some of y’all are reading this like “I would’ve showed up to that club in my PJs starting stuff!” LOL.
I know, I hear you sis, but Jesus doesn’t want that for you. I’ve learned that the hard way. There are many other stories that I could share like this. Believe it or not, I slapped one of the guys I was dating before. I don’t even know how to explain how outraged I felt in that moment for one of the pettiest things ever. He didn’t hit me back, in case you’re wondering (thank God because I don’t know what I would’ve done). I bet some of y’all are sitting there like…
There’s no way that was Joscelin. Believe it or not sis, that was me. I tell these stories to Jacob and he can’t even begin to comprehend how I was that way. I was bitter towards men. I just couldn’t trust them even if they were being faithful. I dated a guy for 6 months that I knew was cheating on me the whole time and I still stayed. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know. I had no respect for myself.
I feel like some of y’all reading this like “yep.. can’t trust them any men, they’re all the same”. I felt that same exact way, sis, TRUST ME. BUT, in the midst of those crazy relationships, I remember towards my last straw before I encountered the Lord. I was talking to a guy who really just tried to fit me into his lifestyle and I was disappointed that I was never ever going to fit. I cried and cried and cried in my bed one night. I just wanted to be apart of this dude’s life. I remember crying out to God saying “Oh my God, I know there’s someone out there that will treat me right. I know it. There has to be. I want someone that’s going to love me right.”
I was crying out for love and it was Jesus. Only He could love me right.
At this point I had already met Jacob. We were just friends though. He was acting like he didn’t like me (lol, sorry babe, it’s the truth!) Jacob taught me to first love Christ and our relationship would always come second.
I’m not claiming to know it all sis, but you need to keep this in mind when you are sliding into guys DMs because the right one will come along when the Lord says so. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true. It doesn’t matter if you are 35 or 19. Focus on God. Spend time with Him. Travel the world (once COVID-19 is under control). Do the very thing God’s been telling you to do. Go out on a date with Him. Go as far as spending money on a meal for you AND Jesus. Buy an extra coffee and talk to the Lord. People are going to call you crazy BUT it’s you and the Lord. Don’t waste your time trying to force something out of God’s will.
33 “So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom[a] and the righteousness that proceeds from him. Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly.[b] Matthew 6:33 TPT
God’s kingdom is greater than these “less important things” we try to put first. God’s kingdom IS more important than having a boyfriend, getting married, or even just “talking” to someone. These things aren’t bad, that’s not what I’m saying, they’re actually good when they are relationships that are invested in Him. But what I am saying is that when we focus on the Lord and spend more time giving Him our full attention, things happen around us, we start watching Him move in our lives. Stop spending so much time worrying that you may or may not find “the one”, because AS LONG as you are walking with the Jesus, that’s all you’ll ever need.
I truly wish someone had told me that long ago. It may have avoided me a lot of pain and chaos in my life. But… I am forever grateful that I can look back and see the growth that I’ve gone through because of Jesus. He truly changed my world. I thought I’d never see the day that I’d be married but here I am.
Maybe you ask yourself if you’re truly worth it? You are because He says so. Whatever He says is TRUTH. So don’t compare yourself to my journey or anyone else’s. This is your journey with Him. It’s time to create history with Jesus first. You are His bride first before you become anyone else’s.
I hope this blesses you, sis,